if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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