I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
