Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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