Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
