you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
