Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
