Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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