My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Enjoy the penises
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
