Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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