You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize