this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
