hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i already hear my dad disowning me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
