meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
