I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
