he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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