There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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