eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
