cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
