It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
