peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
