I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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