i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
