I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
