life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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