Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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