my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am one with the molecules
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
