Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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