I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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