The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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