Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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