Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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