census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
