There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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