the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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