He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize