That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
