Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
