my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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