We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize