Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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