Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
