Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
high people should be assigned attendants
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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