well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
