Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
