we have pet lesbian snakes
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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