Is it because I queefed?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
