FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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