i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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