This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
should my penis look like a turkey
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
