Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize