I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
