I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Randomize
