I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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