We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
