Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
