Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize