I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
