i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
