Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
