She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize