If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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