I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
