I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
