I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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