I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
