That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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