so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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