I just saw a hot homeless man
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
