I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
