it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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