Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Randomize
