I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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