Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
