This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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