Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
