I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
