I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
