Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
