On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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