If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
