If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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