drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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