She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
