Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
