What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were destined to go to rehab together
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
