I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
