i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
