It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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