My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
