I think my vagina is haunted
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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