There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
false alarm. still invincible.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
