I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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