her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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