I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
