So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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