we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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