Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't think brook has ever known best
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize