I puked a lego.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
