Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
