I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the condom got lost in my hair
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
