She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
