Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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