Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
